How to become happy: the top 3 according to science

Everyone wants to be happy. We look for it in fun experiences, in nice things, in the perfect weekend. But what does science actually say about it? What things truly make you happy, and how long does that feeling last?

Professor Seligman, one of the founders of positive psychology, did extensive research on this. He asked a large group of people what made them happy. The outcome is surprisingly simple, but also surprisingly uncomfortable.

Number 3: doing fun things

Good food, watching a film, a day out, spending time with friends. Doing fun things makes you happy, that's no surprise. But the shelf life of this happiness is short: on average, one day.

That doesn't mean it has no value. Enjoying the moment is one of the pillars of a good life. But if you look for happiness exclusively in pleasure and relaxation, you notice it's never enough. There's always another weekend needed, the next holiday, the next purchase.

Number 2: doing something for someone else

Helping a colleague without being asked. Surprising your neighbour with a small favour. Volunteering on a Saturday morning. Doing something for someone else, without expecting anything in return, makes you happy for an average of one week.

That's seven times longer than a fun day. And yet most people instinctively think of themselves when considering what makes them happy.

Van Mierlo describes this in his book as an 'altruistic act': giving from your own strength, without an agenda. Not out of guilt or social obligation, but because you have something to give and genuinely want to.

Number 1: being meaningfully engaged

The strongest and most lasting form of happiness arises when you're engaged with something bigger than yourself. Something that connects to who you are, what you can do, and that makes the world just a little better. That can be big, but doesn't have to be. Being an involved parent. A good colleague. A volunteer at a sports club. Someone who consciously chooses every day to contribute to the people around them.

This kind of meaning gives a feeling of happiness that lasts on average a year. Not as an emotional peak, but as a quiet, stable contentment that is simply there.

Why this matters

We live in a time strongly focused on individual pleasure. Social media shows you endless beautiful moments from others. The idea that happiness is about maximising your own enjoyment is everywhere.

But science points in the other direction. Real, lasting happiness doesn't arise in isolation. It arises in connection with others, in contributing, in giving meaning.

Van Mierlo writes it well: 'investing in yourself is merely a precondition. The third layer, lasting happiness, is ultimately about being meaningfully engaged: about investing in something bigger than yourself.'

What does this mean for you?

Think back to a moment when you felt truly happy. Was it on a fun day? Or in something you did for someone else? Or in the feeling that you were contributing to something?

The answer to that honest question tells you more than any happiness book ever could.

At Well Aware, we believe mental health and happiness are not separate things. Investing in meaning is also investing in resilience. Want to read more? Tom van Mierlo's book is available as a free download at ypse.nl.